“You need to find a mentor to advise you in your professional life.” How many times have you heard this? There is no doubt that getting guidance as one navigates the sometimes turbulent waters of one’s career is invaluable. Some think that this means finding The One Person who can help you throughout your career. In reality, your guidance may come from many mentors, each uniquely suited to help you with a particular stage in your career, or with decision-making at specific crossroads in your life.

Studies have shown that women typically have a more difficult time finding a mentor, but it isn’t easy for anyone, man or woman. Formal company-driven programs to connect people with mentors often do not work well, as the “magic” of the connection cannot be formulaic. You are the best person to decide what you need and how best to find it.

Some tips to consider in your quest for mentors:

Finding Mr/Ms Right: Think about what you need advice on. For example, if you want to sound more credible in meetings, or to be more visible at work, look for someone who has been successful in demonstrating these characteristics. It is useful to look for someone with a style similar to yours, so that you can translate their advice in a way that is relevant to you. Think broadly, the right person could be inside or outside your company. It could be someone of the same gender, or not, as either can provide additional and different perspectives. You may find what you are looking for in one of your peers. In looking for someone senior, it’s best to look one or two levels up. Someone too senior may be too far removed from issues you are dealing with to be able to meaningfully advise you. Ideally, it should be someone who you have connected with, however briefly, in some context, so that when you reach out, your targeted mentor does not say, “Who is this person?”

Start Small: Most people do want to help others, but everyone’s lives are very full. When you ask to meet, do not use the M word. Do not ask for a life-long, or even year-long, commitment from a prospective mentor. Ask to have coffee and get some advice. If it goes well and it feels like you have made a good connection and are getting useful advice, ask to meet every three months, or maybe six months, to share progress and continue the conversation.

Keep it Specific: When you reach out to someone in your network to ask for advice, be specific in terms of what you are looking for. A question like “How can I get ahead in my career” makes it hard for anyone to help you. Discuss specific challenges you are working on, for example, communication style, executive presence, or dealing with conflict. This allows for a more explicit and actionable discussion. These elements also provide the building blocks which, if successfully implemented, ultimately lead to getting ahead in one’s career.

Stay in Touch: It may be that your mentor at a particular time in your career helps you get to the goal you were reaching for, whether you were in quest of a promotion or a stronger voice at the table. And it may be that you no longer need their advice once you achieve that goal. Remember to stay in touch; they care what happens to you, and how you progress. And they may help you, or you help them, again some day.

Give Back: As you reach for the next milestone in your career, and the excitement of the next Big Thing, it is important to remember that you are very likely at the point in your career where you, too, can act as a mentor for others. There are always those less experienced, new to the company or the team, who could use help in navigating their way. Make it clear to those around you that you are open to helping others on their team or in their network.

I used to feel that I had failed at finding a “Mentor”, defined as that one person who gives you guidance through your career. In reality, I feel fortunate that there have been many who have shared their time and insights to help me in my quest for the best path forward, and who still care about my success professionally and personally. Remember you have to take charge of your career and know what you need, and remember you have to ask first. You will find that there are many who will answer.

Originally published on LinkedIn